An open letter to a blogger

I was browsing over the net and I came up reading a blog related to what I have right now. His blog is actually one of the blogs that I follow which is named "the positive life" specifically his post titled "Tired Enough". (It was coincidental that we titled our blogs the same way, though he came first). It broke my heart. I was about to reply to his post but I thought I will be out of space and having this in my post could also help my viewers. I really hope so... and so I will make an open letter to you Mr. Positive.

My eyes almost popped when I saw that you stopped taking ARVs for three days. I was shattered. I know you are depressed because of your situation but I cant help myself to be disappointed for a while. The reason is that people have prayed a lot for these treatments to come for years, we are actually in a much better era than the time that this little monsters in us were discovered. Also, you may not be familiar with the risks of resistance to drugs by skipping doses. You are not only taking the risk of resistance to that drug but also, to the LINE of drug that you are taking. Meaning, resistance to one drug could equate to resistance to other ARVs. I am sympathetic because I learned to love my drug now, hoping that I will not change my medicines AGAIN. Yes you read it right... AGAIN. This is because I have changed my medicine twice already and that this is my third option. The reason is because I was allergic to the first two sets of medicine they wanted me to take.

I was confined due to my allergies. I was hospitalized. I was secluded from my family because RITM is far from my place. Being away for 4 days knowing that I am crushing their hearts even if I cant see them is more heart breaking than the rashes that I see in my skin. Mind you, it was just a normal rash but it was thought to have a Steven Johnson Syndrome.

Please give me the benefit of the doubt to tell you that I KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL. I think I know the reason why you stopped taking ARVs. I also felt that way although I opted to think about it first before actually doing it. If death will come, it will come... besides, why would I want to live a long life when it will be full of pretentions, judges and loneliness. Am I right? I am still in a battle but I can tell you to hold on. Look at your family, the people you love, the people that makes you smile, the people who makes you smile. They are the reason to live. It is not YOU alone... it is YOU and THEM. You are given the chance to know who to give your love with, and if your love is not reciprocated even by a simple respect... they dont deserve you. POUR your love to those people who makes you smile, those people who makes you want to live atleast another day... they deserve you.

There was a time, when I was depressed, alone in my room... it was very dark. I called HIM. I asked him questions. My mouth moves but no words can be heard as I dont want anyone to hear me. I cried. And you know what, the same time I felt HIS presence. I cannot describe it but tears started to fall from my eyes and I am pretty sure HE heard me. I did not have an actual response from HIM but I know we talked. I felt HIM. I felt his presence. And that time... that very moment. I felt very light and easy... away from the judgemental world that we have. We shouldnt be bothered anymore of what others may say, but I assure you. GOD is accepting us. I believe there is a reason for this disease. Let this be a reason why you would like to savor each day, each sunlight, each raindrop. Yes we will all vanish from this world, but not all is given the chance to make you realize that you want to savor every moment. If you cant lean on anything... lean on HIM.

I will give you a little story, yesterday I was rushing to the office. I cant be late. Ive done everything I could but it seems that time is against me. All of a sudden something came in to my mind. That whatever effort that I will make, if I will be late... I will be late. And then I whispered, "God, you know my effort for this day, I lift it up to you".Surprisingly, as I entered MRT turnstile, the train is already coming and I was in it without waiting which is unusual. After I came to my station, I was able to pick a shuttle directly to my office, in short... I was 3 minutes ahead of time... and I knew all the time He was helping me...

Why did I shared that? The reason is I want to tell you HE knows what WE are going through. There are points where we want to do things our way... Things to fall to what we plan it to be.. but when thing goes in a different direction, trust GOD as HE has a plan on us. He sees our grievances, our struggles. Cant we compensate him a little? Even by a little "fight for the life HE gave us?"

Also, I am aware of the fact that the society is prejudicial against us... the same reason why I do not disclose my identity. But bear in mind that they do not have a right to discriminate or judge us as we are all sinners. We may be unlucky to catch this disease but most have done the same mistake we once did, and most likely... WORST.

Surround yourself with things that makes you happy... CHEER UP! We wouldnt call blogs "POSITIVELIFE" for nothing right?

I will listen.

Your new blog friend,

Potchini2