Gerascophobia

Before you raise your eyebrows on a very unpopular phobia, let me define this to you first:

Gerascophobia is based on anxieties of being left alone, without resources and incapable of caring for oneself. Sufferers may be young and healthy.


I think this all started with a dream. Years ago, I remember having a dream wherein nobody sees me. Everything seems to be normal, everything seems to do their usual routines... except that I am invinsible. I am not sure what I am in my dream but what I am sure of is nobody notices me. Simple dream right? But I woke up with a fast beating heart and a very thankful soul that it was just a dream. After that, I believe... I had issues of being lonely... not alone.

I can be alone... at my option. I wanted space for most of the time. I dwell in my room. I do my things the way I wanted to do it, but I dont want to realize, hey, I am alone here.

My first issue when I tested positive is not that I will die early, but, what if I grow old and Ill be alone? Wag naman sana magagalit sa akin si Lord (Lord love you!) pero I think He knows that I wanted to GO first before my parents, pero syempre not in an immediate future. I think the reason is quite selfish. They already have siblings, they will be taken cared of... pero ako... I cant have siblings, I cant have my own family. Well scientifically I can, but ofcourse I need to disclose my status to the one that I will decide to be with for my entire life. BUT, for now, I have no plans of disclosing to anyone else... not even if it means Ill be growing old single. SAKLAP. The reason? I want to protect my family. Ayaw ko madamay sila sa bunga ng pagkakamali ko.

I hope I could combat this fear. Imagine ,my greatest fear is starting to come as day passes by. I know GOD has plans for me. Kung mapapansin nyo may pagka pessimist ako no? Minsan nga naiisip ko mas nakakabuti ba para sa akin ang blog na ito para may outlet ako o mas nagiging emo lang ata ako. haha.


Minsan nakakagulat, dun sa account ko sa planet romeo (hiv_potchi), imbis na ako yung makatulong... ako pa natutulungan. I almost had teary eyes reading some of the messages na natatanggap ko. Ito yung tatlo isha share ko...

"GOD is ABLE. i know there's no cure yet. Be positive! :) kaya mo yan. "
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You will never grow old alone trust me.
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"i read all of your blogs. and i cant hold by breath and imagine. how courageous you are. there are some people there who cant accept the truth behind bars.

Honestly, your blogs would help others specially to non believers and promiscuous peeps around.

Even 1% contribution of awareness to the society would mean a lot.

Kudos to you Potchi!"


Sana naman may natutulungan talaga itong blog na ito. Im not sure if may mga nagbabasa ba talaga pero sana kahit papaano nakakatulong ako. Sa mga nagmessage sa akin, salamat talaga ha!

Yours,