Its actually 4:49 AM now and I dont know what is happening in my body clock since I always wake up in the middle of the night and finds it hard to go back to bed again. I dont want to think much about it and try to relate it to Paranormal Activity because Im sure that wont give a lot of help. So instead of thinking about these crazy things I decided! My blog! Yes my blog!
I have been receiving a lot of messages and feedbacks from different people that they have been waiting for my updates. What I always tell them is that I dont have something "new" yet to share. But sometime in my solitude I wonder, do I really have nothing to share or am I just building a lot of walls towards giving out my identity. I heard that one of the positive blogger is identified by his random follower. I cant get the idea why you need to create an effort to identify a person who is trying to be anonimous?! I mean definitely in our case, we need to keep our individuality in private and we are blogging not for anything else, but to help the community in our little own ways. I guess I need not reiterate and common sense dictates that let us just give that respect to people who doesnt want to be identified and just continue their social works. Makes sense right? I guess this is one of the major reason why I failed to have this blog updated as often as I like it to be.
Still, I decided that this blog is helping me too. It helps me release stress. Also, I guess the page view says it all! I am quite surprised that the number is still growing despite my absence these past few months. This doesnt only mean thats my page is starting to get some attention but it also means that there are a lot of people trying to find answers and they are hoping that I could help them through my blog. This blog is not only dedicated to inform people about HIV but to educate others how an HIV positive guy is still living a normal or moreso, a much fabulous life. Joking. Well, half meant... hmmm, ok since you dont know me and you cant dispute that then I will claim it. FABULOUS it is!
December, I went to RITM to get a refill of my ARV when suddenly the attending nurse threw a lot of questions. When did you first started with ARV? Am I still smoking? And all those questions which I thought not being normally asked when just getting a refill. Long talks have gone by and he mentioned that I need to get my CD4 count this December. CRAP! I am not ready yet. I think I am not yet in full condition because of the stress that I am going through and I was planning for January to have the count. I am quite afraid everytime Ill get my CD4 count because it is like a test if youre passing or failing. Well, after I started ARV I have good count and I dont really want to stress myself out thinking if Im still doing a good job. What if my CD4 dropped, it will ony throw me to bed and be depressed for couple of months. But this is the life that I have now, being monitored should be a part of the lifestyle that I should get used to. And come to think of it, lucky me that I am still in a perfect health condition when I discovered I have these little monsters. BTW you monsters, its December now! I think its time for you to get of my system, all of you! LOL
Going back to that nurse, he started telling me that I should be careful because I am already in my second line of ARV. If ever that my regimen fails again Philhealth cannot accomodate it and I have to import my own drugs and all that I earn now is not enough to cover that expense. Well nurse, THANKS A LOT! I dont see the purpose of hammering that in my mind if I dont see the benefit of you telling that to me. I like to answer right at that moment, "are you telling me that I am a hopeless dying freak that I am holding on to my last piece of string to live?". How was that even helpful? Did he wanted me to go to bed, do a fetal position and be depressed? I know he wanted to warn me and I hope those kind of things should be solicited. I have been doing my very best in this regimen. I have not missed a pill in 1.5 years of taking it although sometimes I am late. But I think Im doing good! But for a nurse who should be helping us and guiding us through our journey, it is my humble opinion that I think he should think of reconsidering his ways.
Enough of this! My Alarm just went wild and I need to prepare for office. I should go for now and I hope I can update this blog as often as I could.
BY THE WAY...
It si December! YEHEY! Only positive things are welcome! This is the time to spend for family, friends and loved ones. Let us celebrate the season with love and with a thankful heart how we are saved by our Lord Jesus Christ. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!
Yours,
Potchini2
