I think it is nature of a human to dream and live a life based on what we want it to be. So do I. Everyone has the right to pursue their dreams, to get things that they wanted. After all, we only live once, better make the most out of it.
But sometimes during the journey, we come accross different hurdles in life and realize that life isnt a smooth road to just pass through. During our travel, there are things that happens that even makes our destination bent to a different road. It is then that we realize that we should let reality takeover where dreams sit in.
I dreamt of being a very successful professional since I was a child. To wear corporate attires, be respected and not be treated as a typical mediocre. I know I have personality, I am intelligent... I have the equipments to get to the dreams where I want to be. But in the course of achieving those dreams, I learned that I am HIV positive.
The initial reaction was to stop. Look around me and realized... Im lost. In the midst of thinkining that I am closer to where I wanted to be, I noticed that I am alone. I was blinded by my goals to see the more important things that matters to me. I lost time to my family, my friends... and my self. It is obvious that you should ove yourself over work but it is sometimes hard to identify that you are being eaten by your dreams.
HIV made me stop, it even made me let go of some of my aspirations and get hold of things that really matters to me. I am now in the point where Ive learned to appreciate things that makes me happy, those who constantly makes me feel loved. It is not as easy as it sounds, I know I am an achiever, a hard worker. But everytime I am contained by so many things I pause for a while.
Many would ask, God... why me?! Are you punishing me for being bad? Am I that bad?! And after a while I asked my self again... why not me?! I would like to share this question to you my dear readers (if there are any). Everytime you you ask God why you? Ask yourself... why not? You are not more special than anyone else. We are equals in the eyes of God. Everything has a purpose and it may take time to unveil. And we are not given tests because He wants us to be punished. He loves us, He gave his only son to save us. No amount of love is higher than offering His son despite His being the most powerful, just to save us. I must admit, I never dreamed of catching HIV, nor I want to have it if I have an option... but this virus made me become a better version of myself.
I need to continue life... the gift that He gave me. And everytime I drink my meds, there starts my battle to protect the life that He entrusted me.
After 2 years of being positive, I am now lifting my baggage again. I must start my journey towards my dreams, but now, the things inside my bag is not just knowledge, aspirations and hardwork, I have brought with me the love that keeps me going and will ensure that I have them until the end.
Lets celebrate the love of our God this Holy Week.
Yours,
Potchini2
